Who is Alec Lightwood?
by sealitinwriting
Summary: The is an ooc Malec. Magnus is the new student at the local high school who doesn't start off the year as well as he hoped, and Alec is the bad boy he is told to stay away from. Will he listen, or go with his instinct and belief there is actually something worth saving in him? And of course, all rights belong to Cassandra Clare on making these lovely characters.
1. Meeting Alec Lightwood

**So this is an OOC Malec. It's just the high school thing, and neither are anything special like a shadowhunter, or warlock. There's a couple TMI characters you'll notice throughout it, a couple of my own, and I might even put in some ID ones. I'm not a big Clary fan, you wont see her in here. Sorry. Otherwise I hope you enjoy, and if you don't like how out of character it is, I have a in character malec up as well. Thank you for just reading this far. I hope you like this.**

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Magnus never had the privilege of going to an actual school. Some would say he was lucky because he got to avoid the drama, but lonely was a better word. Maybe if he hadn't moved so often, forcing him to be home schooled, he could have had friends already. 'This is the last time,' his aunt had told him as they moved New York, the 3rd state this year. The fact that he was finally enrolled in a public school gave him hopes of it actually being true this time. Maybe, for once he could feel like a normal kid his age. Maybe this time his aunt wouldn't lose her job, or have a fall out with a 'man friend' causing them to have to pack up again. 'It will be different this time' he constantly reminded himself as he unpacked his things in his room. Moving so often, he learned he didn't actually need much. A bed, dresser, clothes, a couple books, and his laptop were all he bothered to keep. The less he had, the less he had to box up for the next move. Everything else was too much. He already had a lot of clothes to deal with, along with his mass of bathroom things. That was the first thing he unpacked. Unfortunately the counter in his bathroom was a bit small, causing him to squish it all together but he needed it all to be his fabulous self. After fixing his hair with his hairspray, and outlining his eyes with a blue liner before covering his face in glitter, Magnus deemed himself worthy of going to check out the school. They were already half way through the day, but when you come 2 months already into a school year, it helps to go and check out where everything is and see who your teachers are. He was a smart kid, with good grades and he wanted to keep it that way.

It didn't take long to reach the school, only about a 10minute drive. The school was a lot more run down than he was expecting. It was nothing like any shows he had seen. All the kids' stares were piercing through him as he walked down the halls. Well course they should be staring, he did look magnificent. Walking with purpose and his head held high, Magnus went straight for the office that in the center of the building.

"Excuse me." He said to the secretary lady behind the desk, who seemed more concentrated on chewing her pen cap than doing any actual work.

"Yes, uh," She paused as she looked up to him, her blonde curls falling to the sides of her face. "Are you new here? I do not believe we've met." She straightened her posture and set her pen down. She looked like she was in her early twenties, and was dressed up in a fancy purple blouse and gray jacket that made her look like she belonged in a big company office job, rather than a school one.

"My aunt said she had me registered here already. Magnus Bane. I start tomorrow, but I wanted to get everything straightened out already." He leaned on the counter, looking the girl over. She was pretty. He assumed that many boys in this school lusted over her.

"Magnus, yes. " She nodded searching through her papers until she picked up a couple from the bottom of her stack. "What a delightfully unusual name. I do believe it means 'great' in Latin, does it not?" Her smile lit up her whole face as she stood. "My name, is , and I of course work in the office here. I will just need you to fill out a couple of these papers, and get your aunt to sign the bottom before bringing them back to me tomorrow morning." She clapped her hands after handing him the sheets and then dropped her arms to her sides. For a dreary school such as this one, they sure lucked out with getting such a happy and beautiful lady to work in the office. "Feel free to wonder the halls if you would like, and get acquainted with your teachers, who are listed on your schedule that I just handed you, along with their room numbers, and a map of the halls. If you have any questions, I am here, and I am positive the principal would be glad to meet you as well as soon as she's free." Ms. Colins pointed in the direction of the door in the back. There was a small window off the side of the door and he could see three kids in the seats, two blondes, and a black haired boys. Ms. Colins must have seen him looking through the window though because she took upon on herself to warn him. "Those boys in there, don't get carried up in that. They are bad news, always have been. It's beyond me why they are still here. Best for you to keep away." She grinned and sat back down, picking her pen up once again. Magnus took that as his hint to leave and started down the hallway. Hallway F, as it was labelled in the mini map attached to his schedule. This was the hall where he would have his art class. F18, it read. The last one on the right. He was peering inside the window when he heard a voice behind him.

"I think you're just jealous that my boyfriend is the hottest guy in this school, and that you're still single." A girl was talking in the hallway by the doors.

"I'm not jealous. Your boyfriend is barely even at school, and when he is, he isn't in class. He isn't going to graduate and he's going to keep you here with him. At least when I have a boyfriend he won't be stupid, and only go for sluts like you." A different voice snapped back at her. Magnus may not have known who these people were, but by what he heard, he did know a fight was about to break out. No way you could say that to a girl and not get at least slapped. He walked over enough to see the girls. The one with her back to him had medium length brown hair, and was short and very petite. Almost sickly skinny, but her stance showed anger, and that she was prepared to fight. The other girl had had shoulder length black hair. She was taller, and not quite as thin. Healthier looking.

"Aline, you-"The brunette growled before pouncing at the girl he know guessed was named Aline.

"Whoa, stop! Ladies." Magnus glided in, reaching for the fired up brown haired girl.

"Who the hell are you?" She spat back at him, pulling away.

"My name is Magnus, I'm new here." He stuck his hands in his pockets, kicking himself for stepping in now.

"Obviously. I don't recall calling for a little fairy to come help me out. Take your glitter and leave."

"Magnus?" Aline smiled slightly at him. "What a nice name."

"Aline, shut up. " The girl flung her neck to the side glare at her, "No one cares what you have to say."

"No one cares what you have to say either, Cassie. Not even your boyfriend. Your mouth only has one use for him and it isn't talking." Aline replied with a grin on her face. Magnus didn't know either of them and what their problem was but her comeback drew a laugh from Magnus.

"You think that's funny?" Cassie stomped her foot as she turned to face Magnus. She pushed her hair back with an angry swat.

"Look, I didn't mean to start anything with you. I was just trying to stop your fighting. I'm sorry, I'll leave." Magnus had his hands up defensively as he backed away.

"It would be smart of you not to come back either." Cassie stormed down the hall in the other direction, just leaving Magnus and Aline.

"I'm sorry, Magnus. She can be really, well rude. It isn't in her nature to be anything but nasty." Aline walked over to his side with a smile across her face. "So, you're new here right?"

Magnus was still trying to wrap his head around what had just happened. Girls in high school were as crazy as they were in t.v. Had he already managed to get himself a bad rep before even starting school yet? That Cassie girl acted like she would have a lot of influence on what others thought. "I am. I start tomorrow actually. I just came to check out the school, and apparently ruin my reputation here already."

"What you did was kind. I appreciate that you stepped in there. I might have had to kick her ass of you didn't come in, and then I would have gotten a suspension." She smirked.

"What were you guys fighting about anyway?" Magnus asked, not paying attention to the fact that he could be stepping a boundary.

"Everything. I was just walking through the halls and ran into her, so she picked whatever came to mind first and started at me." Aline still had a look of enjoyment. "To think, we use to be best friends. Then you know, high school happened and she changed. Not in a very good way."

Wasn't that how most shows went? The girl rivals were once best friends until they grew up and had their differences. This was almost too cliché for him, but he couldn't care less at the moment. All Magnus could do was grin, happy that he may have already made his first friend in years. She seemed kind, smart, and funny enough to have around a lot. The sort of person he saw himself befriending. That's when he heard a clang on metal and the constantly shifting of locks. Someone was running their hand across all of the lockers.

"They're out of the office already? Shame, I was enjoying them not being around. "Aline rolled her eyes as she stared behind him. Magnus turned around just in time to come face to face with three people. A blond boy with golden eyes, a blonde with green eyes, and a boy with black hair and blue eyes. The boys from the office Ms. Colins had warned him to stay away from, but he couldn't help but stare at the last one. Black hair and blue eyes were his favorite combination in a boy, his undoing. He was tall, but not taller than Magnus, and lanky though he wore an oversized black sweater and faded out by most standers.

"Hey, Alec." Aline crossed her arms, her smile still covering her face. The black haired boys eyes went straight to her, and he tilted his head as if silently asking her what she wanted. So Alec was his name. Short for Alexander he guessed. It was a nice name, or maybe he just thought so because it was attached to someone with such beauty. Any name could be nice if it belonged to someone with looks like his. "Your girlfriend seems rather upset. She just stormed off down the hallway." Magnus could sense the amusement in her voice as she spoke. Girlfriend? This was her boyfriend? Well that was not something he wanted to hear, not that he was interested him. He wasn't supposed to be. This Alec guy was someone he was to stay away from.

"Aline." He sighed as he looked down, and back up. His gaze went to Magnus and stayed there for a moment like he was just seeing him now. He quickly snapped out of it and looked back to her though, the corners of her mouth folding up slightly, "Maybe you should stop upsetting her so much."

"Alec, we'll meet you out back. You go deal with Cassie." The blonde with green eyes had a cigarette in his hands and a look that said he did not envy him having him to deal her. Alec just gave them a nod and shook his head as they walked away.

"Everyone hates to deal with her. I don't even know why you bother. If I were you, I would just break up with her. No one needs that in their life." Aline lowered her voice as she leaned in.

"I'm not going to break up with her." He rolled his eyes and leaned against the wall.

"Everyone knows she isn't the only girl you have behind doors, and you sure aren't the only guy she has either. You might as well." Aline had lost emotion in her voice. She was just reciting facts and no longer took interest in the feelings it would cause. Alec's lip twitched slightly but he recovered it and smiled while putting his head down, his hair falling over his face. That seemed to trigger something in him, but he did seem like the kind of guy who got around with everyone he could get. He was good looking enough to if he wanted to anyway, and he seemed to be popular enough to here as well.

"I, am the only guy she gets with, and whoever tells you otherwise is a liar." Alec looked up, his face blank, but his voice stern. His hands were fumbling in his pocket for a package of cigarettes. He slowly opened it and grabbed one before putting it back in his pocket, "Now, I have to go have a smoke before dealing with the mess you left me. Goodbye Aline and, whoever you are." Alec had finally brought attention to him. So, he wasn't completely invisible. There was nothing worse than when people had conversations in front of you and acted like you weren't there. As far as Magnus was concerned right now though, this Alec guy wasn't bad at all. Not bad enough to have to stay away from. Sure, he smoked but he was perfectly capable of saying no and not giving into peer pressure. What could be so awful about someone who seemed to harmless?

"It's Magnus." He raised his hand while watching him walk away. Alec stopped, and stood still for a moment before turning back.

"Goodbye, Magnus."


	2. The boy to stay away from

_**So I don't know. This is decent. I would have liked this to have been better, but I also wanted this to be updated so I decided writing this all at 3am was brilliant idea. This is the outcome. I'm sorry, it's late. Well, I hope this at least enjoyed by some people, and I am working at changing the summary now. I do appreciate people looking out for my writing like that, trying to help me get more viewers. You are a lovely person. Every single one of you reading this are actually. Thanks! I hope this at least somewhat worth your time. I tried as hard as I could at this time of night.**_

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The boy to stay away from seemed harmless. Magnus had only talked to Alec the one time, but they made a lot of eye contact in the hallway his first week. Maybe he was just imagining it, but he liked to believe that his eyes lingered on him longer than they did on anyone else. No, he needed to stop thinking like that. Yes, he was attractive, but he was taken. Not only that, he was straight. Magnus always told himself he would stay away from that drama. Even if they were confused, it was hard to handle a boy who wanted you to hide everything. Love was meant to passionate and open, not left in dark corners. He never wanted that, so he continued on his way, never stopping to talk again until today. Him and Aline had become good friends, and hung out almost every day. With this though, they got a lot of glares from Cassie, but it was something he learned to live with. She didn't seem like the kind of person he wanted to be around away. Way too temperamental. However, this day Aline was not at school. She of course happened to be sick on a day they were supposed to be in English together. Still being the new kid, Magnus decided he was not going to go alone and walked outside the building to the end of the field. The school was on the border of a huge line of thick trees. It was peaceful to look at, a good place to lose yourself and the trouble school brought. Magnus was about to walk in when he saw movement ahead. This caught his attention immediately and made him rethink going inside. It had to be a student, who else would be in there. Seconds later he saw a flash of black cloth, a hoodie, followed by black hair and pale skin, and a puff of smoke. It was a boy smoking a cigarette, but not just any boy.

"I believe trees help us out with the whole need of oxygen thing. We shouldn't be in them polluting the air, Alec." The boy turned to look directly at him, a smile curving slightly onto his lips.

"Ah, Magnus right?" He took a drag of his cigarette. "Unfortunately for everyone else, I really don't care."

"Ooh, bad boy." Magnus mocked him, taking a step closer to him. He wasn't sure if he was the kind of guy you could make fun of so early, but he was going to anyway. He already got a sarcastic comment in there.

"That's what they say. Watch out, Alec Lightwood is coming." He smirked, bringing his hand up like claws. Alec stuck his cig in between his lips and jumped up, grabbing a branch from above. Using his upper body strength, he pulled himself all the way up and took a seat. "So, why's new kid out here? Sick of this school already?" He leaned forward, blowing his smoke down. Magnus was having a hard time finding a reason not to like this guy. He seemed funny, and not as rebellious as he figured. He had yet to tempt him with cancer sticks anyway.

"Not really into going to class alone. Why are you here? Avoiding your crazy girlfriend?" Magnus asked now standing directly below him. BY his reaction to Aline talking about his girlfriend last time, he wasn't sure how he would take to him calling her crazy, but she was. He had to know that he was with someone like that. She sure wasn't a calm person.

"She's on a psychotic rampage today. Best if you stay away." Alec leaned back against the trunk, inhaling his cigarette one last time before flicking it down to the ground. His attitude changed at the mention of her name, his face now longer baring a smile.

"You know, that's how forest fires are started." Magnus walked over to the bud and stepped on, making sure it was out. The last thing he wanted was to be an accomplice of a wild fire that took out the school. Sure, it would be nice to burn it down, but it wasn't something you wanted on a record. He was aware he was overthinking, it probably wasn't going to light a fire, but it was precautionary.

"And as a bear once said; only you can prevent them." Alec snapped his fingers at Magnus and then gave him a point. "Now, I was sort of enjoying a nice moment alone here. You're free to stare if you want, like most people do, but I don't want to hear sound coming out of your mouth anymore." Compared to Cassie, Alec being an asshole wasn't that bad. It was tolerable, rude, but tolerable. Magnus looked over Alecs ripped jeans and baggy sweater. For someone aware of how much he was looked at, he sure didn't dress like he was open for the attention. Looked more like he wanted to fade into the background and avoid eyes. Well, there was no need to stay around here. As much as Magnus would have liked to stare, that would have been weird. This Alec guy didn't seem to take much interest in him anyway. That's when he decided it was time to go back in, but he was stopped by the sound of feet hitting dirt and leaved behind him. "Wait." Magnus turned around to see Alec standing facing him. Perhaps he changed his mind on having him leave? Or maybe he wanted to apologize for that last comment. Sadly, it was neither. "When you see Blake, the blonde with green eyes, give him this." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a bag and threw it at him. Magnus looked inside to find a small bottle of alcohol.

"I'm not brining alcohol into the school." Magnus closed the bag and tried to hand it back to him.

"Well, he wanted me to grab it for him for last block, and I'm not bringing it in there. Look likes it's up to you Magnus."

"Last block? Do you guys drink during class?" Magnus was stunned by this. He never thought people actually did that. It seemed rather idiotic.

"If you're going to class, you might as well make it entertaining. You can leave now. He's probably in the library. No, not reading. Teachers just usually don't go in there. Great hide out." Alec started climbing back up the tree.

"But.." This was not something he wanted to get caught with. Magnus preferred to keep this sort of thing to places other than school, and to a later time. They felt like alcoholism, not fun.

"Yeah, I've heard enough. I'll grab you some later if you want. Just leave already. It's not quiet with you around." Well that was even more awful. He was having a nice time and then it was like defense went up. So this was Alec Lightwood. The boy to stay away from. Maybe there was a reason.


	3. I don't need love, I have vodka

_**Hey, I was extremely bored and decided to write this, but it got really long so I decided I'd make it two different chapters. This seemed like a good place to cut it off. Anyway, I'm going to do something I hate seeing but, if you want a fast update, I will post the next chapter after 4 more reviews. I didn't want to make it a lot, but even if it doesn't get to that right away, I'll probably post it next week regardless. So if you want it right now, give this a review. I'm also going to start posting the songs I listened to while writing on the next one because they actually have a lot of influence on my writing and the mood. I always have a clear idea of what I want, but the songs add to how I want it to feel and give new ideas, and that way you can listen to it as well if you wish while reading, and get an idea of the emotions I was feeling, and everything. So yeah, I hope you enjoy this, you're all lovely, and thank you for reading.**_

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Magnus began his walk back to the school, debating on what he should do with the bag Alec gave him. He could throw it away, and risk forever being hated by that group, or take the bigger risk of being caught by a teacher and bring it to Blake like he wanted. The decision was weighing heavily on him. The last thing he wanted was to get in trouble at this new school, but he also didn't want Alec to hate him. Before thinking it through more, Magnus made the decision to take it to Blake. Being paranoid he shoved the bag into the front of pants, and started to navigate his way through the hallway to find the library. He scorned himself for not being much of a reading and never taking the time out to look for the library in his free time. This was turning out to be a lot harder than he thought it would be.

"Mister Magnus Bane." A voice called out to him from behind. Slowly he turned around to see who it belonged to.

"Mrs. Kelly. Hi. About English class, I uh," Magnus forgot all about the fact that he skipped her class and had to keep an eye for her as well. Now he was just praying the bag wasn't noticeable in his pants. Maybe she'd just plan puberty if she could see it and walk away because of how awkward the whole situation would be.

"No need for excuses Mr. Bane. I am aware a lot of people aren't a fan of reading the classics but we have to. I better see you in class next time, or I will have to tell the principle on you. You're new; you can't afford to be missing classes. I know you're smarter than that." Oh god. She was giving the whole 'you're smarter than that' talk. There was nothing worse than when teachers gave out that spiel. How do they know what you're capable of? What you're better than, smarter than? You can't just spend an hour with a kid every couple days and claim you know how they are.

"Yeah, I'll be there next time." Magnus spun around on his hills and started walking fast down the hallways, trying to find a hallway to turn to avoid hearing more.

"You better be. Don't forget to read chapters 3-6 for next class!" She yelled as he sped away. Once he got to another hallway he let out a loud sigh. That went better than he thought it might. She was surprisingly okay with it, but other teachers probably wouldn't be so lenient with the fact that he had alcohol on him. In a strange turn of luck, the library happened to be in the middle of the hallway he went down to get away from Mrs. Kelly. Magnus slipped into the doorway and started searching the area for a blonde. Unfortunately, a lot of kids in this school were blonde. Blonde hair, green eyes. Blonde hair, green eyes. Magnus walked past a bunch of boys looking to their eyes to try and find him. He wasn't at any of the tables. He was just about to give up and just leave when he backed into a kid.

"Hey, watch where your-" The boy stopped talking when Magnus turned around. "Oh, it's you sparkles. I've seen you around. Watch where you're walking next time." It was Blake.

"I have something for you." Magnus pointed down at his pants and then for Blake to follow him back into the shelves.

"Whoa, sparkles. I don't like you that way. Just tell me if you've seen Alec, and I'll pretend this never happened." He waved his hand, his eyes wide. Of course he would take that the wrong way.

"No, I have **something** for you. From Alec." He whispered harshly directing his attention back down, and pulling his shirt up a bit to reveal the bag.

"You put it down your pants? That's gross, and clever. Give it to me."

"Not right here. It's too, exposed." Magnus showed that they weren't that far away from people. The last thing he wanted was to get caught now.

"Just hand it over." Blake went to put his hand in his shirt.

"Oh no." Magnus was trying to keep his hand away from that area of his body. "Stop." Blake kept trying to get his hands into his pants to grab the bag from him. All Magnus could do was continue slapping his hands away, trying to keep his shirt down.

"Boy brings you alcohol and you're already trying to get in his pants? Didn't know you rolled that way Blake. At least do that somewhere other than a library." Magnus could almost hear the smile as he spoke. As he looked over he saw Alec leaning against the shelf with a huge grin on his face while he watched the scene they were making.

"Are you kidding me? If you were coming here, why didn't you just do this?" Magnus finally gave in and just pulled out the bag and forced into Blake's hands.

"I wanted to see how much of a goodie you were. If I could trust having you around. If you'd rat me out, or not. I followed you the entire time. You took a long time to get here though. A lot of wrong turns." He laughed again standing up straight now.

"If you were following me, you should have helped me find this place." Magnus had a slight bit of anger in his voice. He was annoyed that all this time he could have just been helped, or didn't have to do it at all for that matter.

"Should have, but I didn't feel like it." Alec pulled his sleeves into his hand and gripped on it. To think of it, he didn't think he ever saw Alec without that sweater on. It was weird. Maybe he was in some huge traumatic accident where his arms got burned and now he was too embarrassed to show the scars on his arms. That idea was probably farfetched, he most likely just liked that horrible, ugly sweater for some crazy reason.

"Alec, there you are baby. I've been searching all over for you." Cassie emerged from behind the bookshelf and wrapped herself around Alec. "Where were you all day?" She was only staring at him, like Blake and Magnus were no longer there.

"He wasn't hiding in the trees from you, that's for sure. Right Alec?" Magnus smirked, tilting his head a bit as he looked in their direction. Alec's emotion left his face.

"Alec? You were hiding from me?" Cassie unattached herself from him and put her hands on her hips.

"No Cassie. I would never hide from you. Why would I do that, I love you." A glare was shot his way as he reached his arms around her. He might have felt bad, but after what happened this was more entertaining to see and took away the guilt.  
"I love you too." She smiled and kissed him. That was a sickening sight. No one should kiss girls who act like that.

"Oh gross. Stop that, and let's go find Jace and get some drinking done Alec." Blake had a look of disgust. Magnus thought it was nice to see he wasn't the only one who didn't like the look of that.

"Shut up Blake. You're just jealous that you're single, and we're in love." She wrapped her arms around his waist. Alec's facial expression didn't show love though. He looked more annoyed by her as he squirmed out of her arms.

"I don't need love. I have vodka." He held up the bag and turned. "I'm out! Let's Tom Cruise out of here." He started for the door.

"Blake. Stop using those lame lines." He laughed watching him go. "Sorry Cassie. Time to go." Alec pushed his was past her. She looked a bit hurt by the way he was just blowing her off like that, and for once Magnus might have felt a bit bad for her, but not enough to do or say anything. "Come on Magnus," Alec pointed to the door, "We're heading out."

"I didn't know I was coming with?" Magnus stood still, contemplating following.

"Yes you are. I'm going to show you how to do school properly." Alec flashed him another grin and disappeared through the doorway. Something told Magnus they weren't going to wait up for him so he dashed after them to catch up.


	4. Drowning

_**I am so impatient. I literally could not get myself to wait for one more review. I've been really into writing this one too, so don't be surprised if you get another updating this week. Here is the next chapter. This one is longer too. So is anyone up for something from Alecs POV now? Maybe it's time to see what's going on in his head. Anyway, Thank you for reading, and I'm glad you all enjoy this. You're lovely people. I also just want to state that for those of you who listen to the song, you'll see how I perceived the lyrics, and how it actually had a lot to do with my view on **__**love, and how they felt. It's a great song, and I hope you guys get what I mean by how much whatever I'm listening to influences my writing. The flood thing whoever was what I was going to write before. I have this huge thing for metaphors. You can probably see that though. **_

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_**song; Youth- Daughter**_

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"We have to hurry or we'll miss Jace." Alec spoke without looking back as he glided through the halls. The bell rang at that moment making it harder to follow. People were shoving their way through and flooding out of classrooms making it difficult to see Alec. He moved through the crowd easily since everyone parted for him. For Magnus though it was like he was a fish swimming upstream preparing to jump a water fall. Unfortunately there was a bear above waiting to eat him when he made his move. This group made him feel nervous, like he was about to be devoured alive. Did he want to go with them? The further they walked, the more he second guessed his choice on coming. Magnus looked over at the lockers where people were clustered into groups, chatting with their friends until it was time for their last class. He wished he had enough friends to actually do that, but he was grateful he had the one so far. It was a completely new experience for him to just have that many. When Magnus looked back ahead of him he couldn't find Alec. He lost him in the sea of students. He looked around frantic, lost. He wasn't even sure what part of the school he was in. Nowhere where he had a class anyway.

"Magnus." Alec popped up beside him, people moving out of the way for him. "This way." He pointed into a classroom he happened to pass while preoccupied in his thoughts. Alec walked in and put his arms in the air. "Attention all students by the name of Jace Herondale. This afternoon there will be a 4 party assembly out in the back woods where everyone will be expected to get hammered!" He yelled, and then pumped his fist. Blake and Jace, who was standing by at the back of the class like he was about to leave, let out some cheers. Jace then kicked over his chair and pushed the desk he was by to emphasize his excitement. Just because they were alone in the room didn't mean they should be so disrespectful to the objects. Of course he was the kind of kid who cared about that kind of thing. That again had him questioning why he was with them.

"About time." Jace smiled. His gaze stopped at Magnus though, "Sparkles is coming with us?"

"My name is Magnus." Magnus spoke with a blank face.

"I'm sure it is." Jace went out of the room on that note, probably on his way to the back of the school.

"You can call him Angel if you want. All the girls think there's some resemblance." Alec chimed in, before leaving as well.

"Only if the angel we're talking about is Lucifer. That kid's part demon I swear. Ooohh!" Blake laughed as he started for the door too. "Damn, I wish he was around to hear that one." Magnus walked out after Blake, not sure how to contribute to the conversation.

As soon as they made it to the door way almost all of the boys pulled out a cigarette and lit them up.

"Sparkles, you want one?" Jace held out his pack in an offering. Magnus put his hand up, about to respond on how he didn't smoke when Alec interrupted.

"He's a 'clean air' kind of guy." His mouth was turned up a bit, like it would have been a big smile if he didn't have a cigarette between his lips.

"Not clean air. I drive a car, I add to the pollution. I'm just not that into smelling cancer." Magnus replied.

"Oh, this guy's funny." Blake pushed Magnus by the arm. Good sign. He saw this on t.v once. This was guys showing some sort of affection in a friendship way. At least that's how it seemed. Blake opened the bag right away and took the lid off the bottle. With his head back he took a large drink of it and then shook his head as he finished letting out a loud grunt and scrunching his face. He then proceeded to take a puff of his cig. "Oh that's strong." His arm was out to Alec, passing him the bottle. Alec took the bottle without a second thought and took two large drinks, letting out a noise after each one and stomping his foot slightly.

"Damn, that's nice." He handed the bottle to Jace.

"Finally. I'm the one who's actually going to be going to class soon. I should have got first." Jace tipped his head back.

"It's mine. I get firsts." Blake grabbed the bottle back.

"You're going to class drunk?" Magnus finally spoke. He knew he already asked this, but he wanted someone else's say. A reply from the person actually doing it.

"Not drunk, just a bit buzzed. Have you ever listened to a physics teacher talk? Terribly boring. This makes it bearable for an hour." Jace ran his hands through his hair. Magnus found it hard to believe Jace took physics in the first place. The fact that he was going drunk sounded more reasonable now. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Alec watching Jace, not looking away until he put his hand down. There was something in eyes though when he looked down that was hard to read.

"Sparkles turn." Blake motioned for him to take a drink.

"I don't really want to drink at school. I have to drive home in an hour." Magnus said.

"So do I." Alec took the bottle and took another couple swigs out of it. "Wow that does not get any easier." He opened his mouth and stuck out his tongue while letting out a grunt.

"It will once it hits you." Blake took a puff of his cig while he played with the bag in his hands.

"Let's go sit in our normal spot. I'm only giving you guys' 10more minutes of my time." Jace was walking backwards out to the trees, taking one last drag and throwing his cigarette out in front of Alec for him to step on.

Before long Blake and Alec were drunk sitting down against a tree just a few minute walk away from the field. Jace was still able to sit up on his own but had mentioned that his hands were tingling slightly as he watched them and wiggled them in front of him. Magnus caught Alec again watching him, for the third time since they all met up. There was almost sadness as he looked at him. He never observed drunken people and was completely sober himself before. There was lots of laughing, smiling, jokes. That was common for these guys sober though. Or maybe there were never sober. Alec looked up to the top of the trees and put his arm up, moving one of his fingers at a time slowly. It was like he was reaching for something, something just out of his reach. Something he was never going to get but desperately wanted. Suddenly he looked down fast, straight at Magnus.

"Have you ever been in love?" He asked, drawing everyone's attention. All of a sudden everyone's eyes went to him, waiting for an answer.

"No." He said simply. He never even had a friend before now, there was never anyone he had even a chance of falling in love with.

"You're lucky. It's the worst feeling." Alec's voice went lower as we went on. "Imagine drowning, and the only possible person around to save you, is the one holding you underwater, just watching the air escape from your lungs." Magnus never expected such a line from him. It sounded too poetic for a guy like him.

"It's not that bad. You just fell in love with a psychopath." Blake said. Magnus looked over at Alec, and caught his eyes go up to Jace one more time before going back to the ground. Something in that told him, he wasn't talking about being in love with Cassie.

"Love is a great feeling. The best I've ever felt." Jace spoke next. "Like coming home and seeing your mom made your favorite dinner, and after eating all that, finding out you have room for those cookies she bought just for you." Well, that was less poetic. That was the sort of thing he expected from them.

"What do you know about being in love, Jace?" Blake took another drink, like he wasn't drunk enough already.

"I met a girl, last week. She's the most perfect person I've ever met. I think I might be in love." Magnus saw something in Alec snap. He stood up abruptly and swayed a bit.

"I need to go for a walk." He mumbled before staggering out further into the trees ahead. That's when Magnus realized that while Alec was staring at Jace, he noticed all that, meaning he was staring at Alec. No, he didn't like him. Not someone like him. He couldn't.

"I'm going to go follow him. Make sure he doesn't get lost or anything." Magnus spit out the first excuse he could think of.

"I better get to class." Jace got up and started toward the school.

"I guess I'll just sit here alone, with my vodka. Drown my sorrows!" He yelled at both of them, but Jace probably didn't care anymore that Magnus did on leaving him, which wasn't much.

"Alec." Magnus caught up to him easily. It was hard when he was stumbling around. He never had the chance to get that far.

"My chest hurts." Alec grabbed onto a tree and leaned against it, avoiding any eye contact with Magnus.

"From the alcohol?" Magnus had to ask. He was sure he knew why he felt that way, but he figured Alec didn't want anyone to know. He might have been the only person who ever caught on and if that was the case, the secret would die with him until he told someone.

"No." Alec groaned. "It's just so god damn hot. I don't know what to do" He rolled up the sleeves to his sweater. For the first time Magnus could see Alec's forearms and realized right away why he wore a sweater to cover them all the time. Both arms were covered in scars. Most were burns. His theory might not have been far off, he tried to joke with himself in his head. They didn't look self-inflicted at least. Someone else did it to him. Who would do something like that though? Alec noticed where Magnus was looking and glanced over his arms as well before quickly pulling his sleeves back down. "You didn't see that." He said quietly. That must have meant no one knew. How do you hide something like that from people, and for how long?

"How did that happen?" The words just slipped out of his mouth. His curiosity was getting the best of him.

"It doesn't matters. What matters is that you don't ever speak of this again."

"I won't, I swear." Alec just gave him a small nod as reply before sighing. This was no longer the smiling, joking around Alec he was around Jace and Blake. He was slouched as he held the tree for balance and it seemed fitting. There seemed to be many things weighing on, keeping him down, but he always seemed to stand tall and act like there was nothing holding him back despite it. Not only that, but he was drowning, caught in the flood of Jace.

"I just want this to work out. I want this to be right for once." He whispered. "But I feel nothing. I feel nothing at all. It's all so wrong and it's killing me. They were all wrong. She was supposed to be the one and she's not. She's not!" He hit the tree. "Why. Why is he so lucky?" He spat out standing up straight. "Why is **she** so lucky?" His voice was hard to hear on the last part, but Magnus caught it.

"Alec I-" Magnus was cut off as he started.

"I don't need your help!" Alec shouted as he turned to look at him. "I'm not broken, and I don't need your help. You don't need to fix me, and you don't need to be here." He pushed off the tree and walked further out. As much as Magnus wanted to follow him, he held back. It was obvious he wanted to be alone. It hurt to see him walk away, but he dealt with it. After taking a bit to come to grips with what was happening he took to leaning against the tree as well.

"Better build an ark Magnus, there's a flood coming." He whispered to himself.


	5. Losing

**_When I said I might update this week, I was thinking I'd take the time out to write on weekend because I was going to participate in booktbeathon and spend all this week reading, but guess what. I wrote anyway. I've been so busy lately with things, but I took the time out of reading to write this. Anyway I was going to write something from Alecs POV, but I wanted to give myself more time for when I do that because of the way I want him to be. I spend a lot of time focusing how I want his character(like I do with most but he's more complex) and his reaction, and researching his problem. I want this to be good. So, here we have a flashback(and a small fraction of present time) instead for him. This does not give away information that is not related to what is happening right then, because I'm going to make more. No, they are not going to be in order. They are just going to come in relevance of what effected him most in life, this being the first. I figured we could use these because as vampire-fetish15 said in a review, Alec is kind of a dick, and we are slowly going to find out why he's like that, because I have him as a really closed off person, and with these, we can kind of start to understand him. Yeah, so that's all. I'm still really into this one so it will updated again this month, don't worry! I'm really invested in the plot at the moment. Thank you for this, you're all lovely!_**

* * *

Song; All who remain- Beware of darkness

* * *

"_Alec! Alec wait up!" A small voice called out from behind him as he walked down the stairs. Alec continued on his way to the kitchen despite the voice. "Alec!" A little boy jumped in front of him, blocking the door. "I was yelling your name."_

"_Yes, I heard." Alec had a small laugh as he pushed his way through. It wasn't hard since he was half his age._

"_Alec, I wanted to know if you'd walk me to school tomorrow!" He chimed following close behind Alec as he checked the cupboards for food._

"_Ask Isabelle instead." He mumbled, moving around the boxes of cereal._

"_I don't want Isabelle to take me. I want you to!" He gripped onto Alecs's sleeve and pulled on it. "Please."_

"_Can't you walk to school on your own? It's right down the street."_

"_I want you to walk with me. Everyone can see my cool older brother!" Max was staring up at him with a huge grin. The way he did when he really wanted something. The sort that melted their parents' heart letting him always get whatever he was that he wanted at the time._

"_If I agree will go and start bugging Isabelle instead?" Alec grabbed a box of corn flakes and a bowl. Cereal was good enough for dinner, he guessed. There wasn't much else as a choice with their parents gone for the week on business._

"_Maybe." That grin was still plastered on his face._

"_Okay, fine. I'll walk with you to school, now go!" He laughed, shooing him away as he walked for some milk._

"_Yes! I win!" Max cheered as he left the room. Alec felt a smile on his face as he listened_

_The next morning Max was jumping on Alecs bed chanting Wake up. Alec moaned and threw a pillow up as he rolled over._

"_Alec, get up. It's 7:30, and I want to be at school early." His voice sounded faded. His head was drowning in sleep, and every other noise was barely audible. _

"_Yeah, I'll get ready. Meet me downstairs." Alec forced out, not opening his eyes. Maybe he shouldn't have stayed up so late reading._

"_Promise?"_

"_Promise." Alec was already drifting back in to sleep. Not paying enough attention to comprehend what was being said. Suddenly there was a shift in his bed and his body was moving. _

"_Alec you promised. It's 8, get up!" Max was shaking him. Alec turned and looked at his brother._

"_I'm sorry. I'm tired." He sat up and kicked off the blankets. "See, I'm getting up. I'll meet you at the front door in 5 minutes." Alec stared straight ahead, listening to door close behind Max as he left the room, listening to the birds and then his train of thought changed, he remembered the week before, and the talk he had with his dad. Alec looked down at his arm, staring at the layers of bandages covering it. It still ached, and was much worse when there was pressure on it, but the stress he was feeling with exams coming up, and the days approaching of his parents coming back, it numbed out. What was he going to do? Try and tune it out. Get rid of the thoughts, focus on the birds. There was a distant voice, Max. He must have been talking to Isabelle in the next room. Finally, Alec stood up, putting on some clothes and running his hands through his hair, he looked at the clock. He figured he might have been over 5 minutes but his school wasn't that far away. It would be okay.10:00am. Alec took a double take. That had to be wrong. Max said it was 8. Alec ran downstairs and looked at the clock on the microwave, on the wall, 10:00am. Finally he went to the t.v and looked at the time there. 10:00am. How did he loss 2hours? All he did was sit on his bed._

"_You're late." A voice sniffled from the couch._

"_Max, I-" Alec didn't know what to say. How do you explain just losing time like that?_

"_I went in your room to tell you I wanted to go and you just sat there. You wouldn't even look at me. Alec, just admit you didn't want to go." He had a tear down his face. His feelings were hurt by his actions, and that put a lot of guilt on Alec. Along with an anger for himself. How did he let that happen?_

"_Shouldn't you be in school?" He tried to change the subject. If it was actually 10, he should have left by now._

"_I was waiting for you."_

"_I'll walk you now."_

"_No." Max snapped, "I don't want to go anymore."_

"_Max you have to. Mom and dad will be mad if you don't." Alec also knew he would be in trouble too if he didn't get Max to school._

"_Fine." Max slid off the couch and went to put on his shoes._

"_Okay, just let me grab my backpack and we'll start-" Max cut him off again._

"_No. I'm going alone. I don't want you to come anymore." Max opened the door, and swung his bag onto his back._

"_I can still walk with you." Alec tried to reassure him._

"_You broke our promise Alec. That wasn't cool." Max stared up at Alec as he spoke. "I don't want to be seen with you anymore." He shut the door as he walked out. Alec took a seat on the steps to go to the second level of the house. All he had to do was get up, and he couldn't do that. Maybe his dad was right, maybe he was broken. Alec picked himself up and laid on his bed. He must have fell back asleep because when he moved his head, Isabelle was sitting on the end of it, crying. He knew for a fact she wasn't there before._

"_Isabelle." He sat up, reaching his arm towards her. "Isabelle, what's wrong?" She turned slowly to face him, tears staining her cheeks, her makeup smudged down her face._

"_Max." She whispered. Alec immediately woke from his daze at Max's name and gave her his full attention. "Max, he- he got hit by a car. He was crossing the street to his school, and the guy blew a stop sign and.." Her voice started to fade at the end. Alec froze._

"_Is he okay?" He had to be okay. Max had to be okay._

"_He was pronounced dead on scene." That was it. Alec couldn't move, he couldn't say anything. "You were supposed to walk with him today. He was so excited about it. Why weren't you there? Alec, why weren't you there!" Why wasn't he there? Why didn't he protest and go with him instead? He promised, he broke it, and now his brother was dead, and it was his fault. "Alec! Alec answer me! Why weren't you there! You were supposed to be with him! You were to be there!" She was shouting now. Shouting right in his face, and he couldn't even react to it. "Why won't you answer me!" Isabelle scream grabbing his shirt, moving him around. Alec grabbed her wrists and pulled them away from him._

"_Don't touch me." He spit out. He was angry. Not with her, but with himself. That's when his dad burst through the door. Of course his parents were back early, their son just died, and of course he had to walk in at that moment. Alec looked at his hands, still grasping his sister's wrists and he let go quickly._

"_Don't you ever touch your sister like that." He growled and pointed for Isabelle to leave the room. She obeyed and ran out, leaving just the two of them. "This is all your fault. Your mother left you in charge, to watch your siblings, and one of them is dead. Max is dead." His words were like venom. Each one was a treacherous bite, poisoning Alec. He was shaking now, he couldn't breathe, because everything he said was true. This was his fault, and he would never forget that. Unfortunately, neither would his dad. It was his actions that were tearing their family apart. Everything was his fault. Max didn't win after all, but Alec sure did lose, and he kept losing until loss was the only emotion he felt._

* * *

Magnus walked back to Blake, sitting down at the tree next to him. Blake looked exactly how he did when he left, still slouched at a tree with the bottle in his head, only difference being the amount of alcohol in the bottle.

"You caught him in an insane mood swing, didn't you?" Blake still had a pretty good grasp at on speaking for much he had been drinking.

"How did you know?"

"I heard him yelling from here. Don't expect to see him for a couple days now." Blake took another sip. That was enough. Magnus walked over and took the bottle from him. The last thing he wanted was to be dealing with someone getting sick. "I wasn't done drinking that." His voice was a bit slurred that time. He was drunker than Magnus thought, he was just trying to hide it before. Most likely to be allowed to keep going but Magnus was not going to allow it.

"What do you mean gone for a couple days?" Magnus set the bottle beside him and looked back out to where he came from in hopes of a seeing a boy with unkempt black hair, but nothing.

"Everyone once in a while he goes through this melt down. He just freaks out, and then he disappears for a while. He comes back a while after and acts like nothing happened. Like he didn't ignore us for days, and no one knows where he went," Blake sat up to continue, "That kid has problems. Deep seeded issues no one knows about, because he doesn't get personal with anyone. Don't get too attached. The only constant people in his life are me," he sighed "And Jace. You know why? Because we don't pester him. We don't ask him about his life, what happened to him, or offer to help him" Blake gave Magnus a knowing look.

"I didn't think I was broken, or even ask to help him. He made an assumption before I even finished my sentence, I just saw.." His voice trailed off. He wasn't allowed to talk about it. He so desperately wanted to ask, but he didn't because he swore he wouldn't and Magnus was always true to his word.

"You saw his arms." Blake nodded his head. So he knew about them, maybe he knew how it happened.

"How did that-" Blake cut him off.

"I don't know how it happened, and I'm not going to ask him. It's his business. If he wanted us to know, he wouldn't constantly hide it. I found out on accident. When he left his parent's house, he moved in with me until his mom helped him get his own place. I walked into his room before he put on a sweater. He was reading." Blake paused. "You're eyes got straight to them. All those burns and cuts. Whatever happened wasn't something people should have to go through. I wanted to ask, but he gave me this look when he noticed I saw. This look that just pleaded with me not to talk about it, not to ask. So I never did, and if you want to stay in his life, you won't either." Magnus shifted a bit in his seat. Alec might be the most closed off person he had ever met. He had all these secrets that no one knew. Secrets were like piranhas, they ate you alive piece by piece until there was nothing left but the hollow bones of your existence. They must have weighed a ton on him.

"I won't ask." Magnus finally replied. The bell was heard in the distance for the end of class. Magnus sat there for a bit stuck in thought about the existence of Alec, and how difficult he was to figure out. Finally Magnus stood up, throwing Blake back his bottle and headed home. Blake was right; Alec wasn't at school the next day. Actually, it was two weeks until he saw him again.


	6. Beautiful and Broken

**I've been working on this for awhile, I just sort of had a lot going on for the past bit so I couldn't finish it. However, I decided I was done waiting and stayed up tonight to finish this. I'm sorry that it's like super dramatic. I let my friend decide what happened, and I couldn't think of a calmer thing so I went with it. So, here's a decently long one, and the next one will be up asap, and it will be Alecs POV and it will come with another flashback. Yeah, so thank you for reading this! You're so lovely, and I appreciate everyone who reads this, and those of you who review this all the time. It makes me feel good. Thanks, again.**

* * *

**I've been listening to a lot of songs during this, but I think the one I did the most was**

_**song: I've given up on you- Real Friends**_

_**It isn't as relevant**__** to the story as the other were, and the next one will be, but I listened to it a lot because it's great.**_

* * *

English class felt like it took days to finish. Magnus was tired of sitting around, listening to the teacher going on about a book he couldn't care less about. The only good thing about the class was that Aline sat beside him, so he had someone to talk to when the teacher was no longer paying attention. Nothing made him happier than hearing the bell and walking out of that classroom.

"We made it through another whole week of listening to nothing but her lecturing on that dumb book." Aline cheered as they walked down the hall to her locker.

"Hard to believe." Magnus was distracted looking down at the foyer in front of the office. Cassie was there, standing with a bunch of her friends and Jace. He seemed to fit in well with the appearance of all the people there. They were pretty, but they all seemed so hollow, or filled with darkness. The kind of people that was nice to look at, but not the kind you wanted to get involved with. Except Alec, he guessed. He was involved with one, and wanted another. Something told Magnus he had his time with the others there as well. He had heard a lot of rumors about Alec, and his inability to stick to one person, and how he had never been alone for longer than a week. He jumped from relationships to avoid being single for long periods of time. Perhaps he was trying to avoid something within himself.

"You fell for him." Aline didn't even take the time to look at Magnus while she shoved her binder into her locker.

"What?"

"Don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about. You like Alec. I can tell. You're constantly looking over there for him, and searching the school." She did her lock back up and looked up at him. "Everyone falls for him, but I'd advise against it. He's a Lightwood. They're best to stay away from." Magnus was shocked. Was it that obvious already that he had grown a liking to Alec? He didn't even like knowing it himself, he didn't want it out already. He wasn't the type of guy Magnus wanted.

"What do you mean, 'he's a lightwood'? Is there something wrong with that?" Magnus didn't know much about the people from this school, but he did know that his family must be popular. That had to be why everyone was so fond over him.

"I guess since you're new here you don't know. The Lightwoods are big here. Robert Lightwood, Alec's dad, he's a journalist. He mostly covers crimes, murders. Maryse Lightwood, his mother, is a doctor. They didn't always live here though. They moved here to get away. When Alec was 15 his dad was on the case of a serial killer who liked to cut up all his victims. He wrote all the articles regarding his massive killing spree. Well one night Alec and his sister decided to check out this old abandon warehouse. They had always been into the whole paranormal thing and thought it would be cool. Wasn't so abandoned after all, because it just so happens that was where this killer mutilated all his bodies before discarding them in places all over town. Alec sent Isabelle off to go tell someone while he stuck around. Unfortunately for him staying back risked his life. He was forced to watch some girl die, and almost killed himself. The police came just in time to save him, but then harassed him for months, forcing him to relive the night. It messed him up." Aline sighed and leaned back against the wall near them. "They had to move because their son was slowly going crazy, and they were embarrassed I would assume. PTSD can be a horrible thing. Also, they're youngest son died as well a bit later which was his fault. It got too much to bear to stick around I guess. That entire family is broken up anyway. His dad cheated on his mom, Alec moved out, his parents got a divorce, Alec's sister Isabelle is up in some private school with his mom. The Lightwoods aren't people you don't want to get involved with. Especially Alec. He's the worst out of all of them. You can't fix him. You might as well stay away. I would." Magnus stared blankly at Aline. He never thought Alec could have gone through something like that. Is that what could have happened to his arms? How would someone deal with that much trauma in their lives?  
"How do you know all this?"

"I used to be friends with his sister. She told me. She was I hoping could help him, that all he needed was a friend, but he's got problems that aren't going to be fixed, by anyone." Magnus nodded, trying to comprehend all he had just heard. Alec and Aline didn't seem to be entirely fond of each other. He couldn't help but wonder what could have happened between them. What could have ended her friendship with both of the Lightwoods?

"Aline." A voice called out from around the corner. Alec emerged and leaned beside her. "I see we're talking about my life. I guess we can't all have perfect lives like you though, right? Didn't your mom leave your family when you were a kid? I also heard your dad kicked you out of the house when he found out that your girl friends were more than just friends. "Alec shot her a look as he finished.

"Alec shut up. You don't know anything about me or my family." She spit out at him, standing straight.

"I'm sorry. You're families off limits, but mine isn't? You don't anything about what happened to me, and you are not the kind of person that can make judgements like that about me, or anyone in my family. There is nothing wrong with anyone else. Keep what you think you know to yourself." Alec glared, his voice filled with anger.

"Both of you stop." Magnus finally cut in. He wasn't going to allow people to talk like to each other in front of him in that way.

"Stay out of this Magnus. She's right. You can't fix me, so you might as well leave me alone. You can find better friends than me." His eyes lingered on Magnus for a brief moment before he stormed off to his group of friends. He was standing beside Jace, already smiling, acting as though none of their conversation just happened. Aline was slouched now, avoiding eyes with Magnus.

"I've got to go now. I'll call you tomorrow." With that, she left down the hallway. Magnus looked towards Alec again before starting for his own locker. Halfway to it, a hand grabbed his shoulder, turning him around.

"Sparkles, wait up." Magnus didn't even realize how fast he was walking until he saw Blake jogging behind him to keep up. He was basically getting dragged.

"Blake, what do you want?"

"I heard your guys' conversation. " Blake stated simply. Those words caused Magnus to stop. How much had he heard? Was he there for the beginning?

"There's no such thing as a private conversation here, is there?" Magnus made a face and then started walking again, turning the corner to his locker. He didn't even bother turning towards him. He kept his focus on his putting in his combination, and grabbing his binder so he could get the last part of the day over with.

"I know you like Alec," He began, immediately drawing Magnus' attention, "And I agree with Aline. You should get over that. First, he has a girlfriend. Girlfriend, not boyfriend. Yes, he sleeps around, and isn't the most faithful, but I have never heard of him hooking up with a guy, so I think you're out of luck. Second, I don't know you well enough to know you wouldn't hurt him. He doesn't do serious relationships. Or any relationships that really mean anything to him. He isn't into that, and you're wasting your time if you're looking for that with him." Blake was now leaning against the lockers as he spoke, keeping eye contact the entire time. Of course he heard that part. Magnus sighed, it was already getting out. Would he ever have really gone for it anyway though? Probably not, because he liked Alec. A lot of people liked Alec, but they were girls. He was into girls. They actually had a chance. "That isn't why I came over here though. I wanted to let you know that there's a party at Jace's tonight and you can come, if you can give me a ride." Blake winked at him, a smile now lying on his lips. All Magnus could do was shake his head as he laughed a bit. That would be something he would talk to him for. A ride to a party.

"I'm not really into the small high school parties." Magnus replied. It was true though. High school parties were small, and reserved to small areas and plastic red cups that people fancied for an odd reason. He was more into big get togethers, huge crowds with music loud enough to pop an eardrum, and the whole place sparkling in glitter and bright colors. Things needed to be extravagant, up to his caliber.

"Here, I'll tell you what. Alec will be there. You drive me, I'll let you try and make your moves, whatever. I don't care, but if he's not feeling it, if he does not feel the same way you have to give him up. You let go of this dream you're living in, and go for someone who will actually be there for you, and won't leave you both broken." He had his arm outstretched for a handshake. What were they doing, making a business deal? They weren't kids either. They didn't need to seal the deal with shakes but Magnus took his hand anyway. This wasn't an offer he was going to refuse. If you didn't go for it, he never would, and at least now he had one person's approval to try. Maybe at the least he could at least get him to open up. Alec was fascinating in the mysterious kind of way. No one knew anything about him, which made it that much more intriguing to try and be the first to unravel the secret that had wound him into his tight shell.

"Okay, we'll do this then. I'll go." Blake was still smiling as he went to turn around.

"I'll see you at 7 then so we can get alcohol first." Magnus couldn't even protest because Blake had already disappeared into the sea of people as soon as he finished his sentence. Probably purposefully to avoid Magnus disagreeing. He was smarter than given credit. He knew how to get the things that he wanted.

Seven came a lot faster than expected. Magnus felt like he barely had enough time to get ready before Blake was knocking impatiently at the door. He only had the chance to put on glitter around eyes and in his perfectly styled hair. Was that enough? He clothes were picked with special planning. He went with a pair of black pants, and a white shirt, with a bright silver jacket that felt like silk and shimmered under lights, making the entire outfit. It wouldn't be a proper party if he didn't bring out the good clothes. Magnus rushed to the door, so his aunt wouldn't be disturbed from the paperwork she was doing at the kitchen table.

"Hey, let's get ready to get drunk!" Blake chimed as he stepped inside. Getting wasted seemed to be a favorite for him. His eyes lingered a bit over Magnus' clothes, giving him a sense of pride. He didn't often take stares as awkward, but more as silent compliments on how fabulous he looked. "You really went all out on the sparkles, sparkles."

"Wouldn't be a proper party without them. Now let's go." Magnus grabbed the keys to his bright red car that was out in the driveway and gave his aunt a wave as he left, closing the door behind him. As they sat down, he looked through his wallet, double checking he had his i.d and money, so he wouldn't have to come back, and then set out. After they bought over $100 of liquor that mostly Blake wanted, he began his journey to find Jace's house under awful instructions. Turned out he lived in the rich section in a huge white house that had the longest driveway Magnus ever drove up. Maybe this was going to be a bigger party than he had originally expected. It was almost as if the entire school was there. People he passed in the hallway every day since he moved, even faces of people he didn't recognize. It was apparent right then that Jace was more popular than he believed. Not that there was any reason he shouldn't be. He was a striking, just not really his type. His type was more the boy he saw standing on top of the stairs. The person to take not only his attention, but breathe as he soon as he walked in through the doorway. He was beautiful in the most subtle use of the word. Even with his arms hooked around a girl who didn't seem to care any less about what he was saying, he captivated his attention with every way of his being. All he yearned for was to know him, and why he acted the way he did, why he played off his perfection like he didn't notice how lovely he truly was. Alexander Lightwood, even his name sent shivers down his spine. Was it too early to feel this way about someone? Magnus had never experienced this before, and this was someone who knew very little about, but there was nothing he wanted more than to spend his life learning what went on his head.

"Magnus, can you come back to the real world so we can start drinking?" Blake was waving a bottle of vodka in front of his face.

"I can't drink, I'm driving." Magnus finally peeled his eyes away from Alec and Cassie, the human form of all his envy.

"No, you're not driving. You're staying here tonight with all of us so get this down." Blake shoved the bottle into his hand and guided it towards his mouth. With only a momentary hesitation, Magnus took it took his lips and had a large drinking, squinting as it burned down his throat. He might was well make the best of going to a party with friends. It was already better than all the parties he attended alone to stop himself from going insane. "Get through that, and then we'll work out a game plan for this all." Blake glanced up the stairs at Alec, still wrapped around Cassie. Magnus nodded. The alcohol was exactly what he needed to be able to even stand that sight. Taking another gulp he started through the living room, music thumping, and vibrating everything as he pushed through people standing around, or awkwardly dancing. At the moment a foreign techno song was playing, and for some reason it put him at ease.

An hour later Magnus was almost down a bottle and lying on the couch with 3 other girls. Maybe he drank a bit too much because the room seemed to spinning, and he couldn't even feel the parts of his body that were on the other bodies. He could however feel their warmth, and everyone else's in the room. It was hot. Too hot. Magnus pushed his way out from the other people and got onto the floor, staring off as crawl out of the room, until he could make it back to his seat. That's when he saw one the familiar face of the boy he had been thinking about all night. Waiting to talk to, and he was walking into a room by himself across the hall. This was perfect, if he could only make it that far without falling over. He took one careful step after another, swaying slightly until he hand finally touched the doorknob. It was cool to the touch, and it made him want to rub his face against the metal. That may be a gross sober though, but it was a glorious one when he felt like he was dying of heat stroke. Taking only a minute to prepare himself, Magnus pushed his way through the door, ready for whatever might happen. Or at least that's what he kept telling himself.


	7. Promise

_**So I kept saying I'd put this up soon and I would get busy and procrastinate and not finish this. Finally though, I sat down and wrote the last bit so I could post this, because I really hate that I was taking so long. Currently though I am working on an entry for a writing contest I'm entering that could help me out with money for University so I really need to concentrate on that, thus I am not making an asap promise this time. Not that I did that last time anyway but this time I can't break that. Anyway, thank you all for being so patient and I hope you enjoy this chapter. You're all lovely!**_

* * *

_Song; Deathwish- Against All Evil_

* * *

_Alec's head was pounding, his thoughts racing as he made his way through the street. He'd had enough. There wasn't much more he could take until he was over the edge, he was just barely clinging to the end as it was. The cliff dividing reality, and insanity._

"_Hey guys, it's the crazy kid." A boy called out from behind him. Trying to ignore them, Alec grasped his arms and hunched himself over, speeding up._

"_What for us," Another voice called out, "We can't have mental people like you out here alone. You might hurt someone. Get someone else killed." He froze. His feet were no longer listening to his brain when he told them to walk, to at least take one step further from them. The last thing he needed to hear was this, the events he caused, witnessed. The angel of death, they started calling him, and maybe they were right. People would safer without him around, not that it was never on purpose. He would never actually kill a person. He didn't want anyone to die._

"_I'm not a murderer." Alec spit out, his head still down, and his back towards them._

"_Is that what you tell yourself? You might as well have killed that girl. You didn't save her. You might as well have killed your brother. You let him go. They'd both be here if you weren't such a coward. You brought this on yourself, and we won't let you bring this on anyone else. You're manic behaviour is scaring everyone. There is something seriously wrong with you, Lightwood." That was it. That was enough. There was his breaking point. His hands were already balled into fists by the time he finished speaking, it only took turning around and a step before his swing connected with the boys' nose. It was a tall, broad guy the same age as him and a bunch of his scrawny friends that followed every move he made like a shadow. His nose was gushing out blood, staining his hands as he grabbed at it. His eyes flicked up a couple seconds later, glaring into Alec's before his hand smashed into the side of his face. Alec lost his balance and swung to the side as well with the hit. His face was burning at the top of his cheek. It was high enough and hard enough to potential give him a black eye. The look of that would probably frighten more people leaving him even more alone. That's all he wanted now, wasn't it though? No one wanted to be around him anyway. This was exactly what he wanted. As soon as that thought crossed his mind, Alec lurched forward grabbing the guy and shoving him hard into a wall. He hit him a couple times before the pain in his knuckles came. They were swollen, bruising, and already covered in blood, but the feeling was numbing out when the thoughts came back into his. 'He wanted this as much as you did. He wanted a fight, you wanted the pain. Now you have it. Are you happy now?'_

_Alec turned his head. He was now surrounded by clean white walls. He was also seated on a bed with grey sheets that were followed nicely without wrinkles besides where he was sitting. He was just in an alley, how did he get here? His eyes glanced down at his knuckles. They were purple, and blue, covered in crusted blood. How long ago was that fight? That's when all the pain really started to affect him. His face was on fire, and his ribs ached, so much that it hurt to breathe. At this point, his injuries didn't make him feel like he came out a winner of this battle, but wasn't he? Last he knew he had Aaron pinned up onto a wall. He was the one throwing the punches. What happened since then? What happened up until now? Suddenly the door opened and the owner of this room walked in. A familiar silver haired boy, tall and frail made his way over to him, carrying a pack of ice and cloth._

"_Ah, so you're back to reality now." He spoke softly while he took a seat beside him on the bed, grabbing his hand. He gently dabbed the cloth over his fingers, washing away the deep red. "You're such an idiot you know."_

"_Jem."_

"_Why would you do that? There were 7 of them. You took on seven people by yourself. " Jem reached over onto the desk where a couple bandages sat. He put them on lightly, but they were firm. Done properly. _

"_I thought-" Good thing Jem interrupted him there because he didn't have an answer he wanted to give out. Nothing he wants to say out loud._

"_You weren't thinking. You never are anymore. I get that you went through awful things the past couple months, but I'm not going to sit here and watch you.." His voice faded out, breaking at the end. "Watch you slowly kill yourself. Acting so reckless. I'm not going to be your audience. This isn't some show, it's your life and I want you to take it more seriously." Jem's eyes were the color of the moon. They reminded him of the night sky, and the beauty that came with the stars as they twinkled, but always in the background to the moon no matter the size it was that night. Everything else was just background compared to Jem, beautiful, but dim in retrospect. His eyes were watering and that tore at Alec's chest. Now he was making Jem cry, the one person he had left in his life. "Why are you on self-destruct? Why are doing this to yourself?"  
_

"_Please, don't hate me." Alec whispered. If he lost Jem, he lost everything. He couldn't even stand to start that thought, it was tearing at his insides. The boy wiped his face. Were there cuts there as well? He wasn't sure he wanted to look in the mirror and see the shape he was in. It was bad enough just feeling it._

"_Alec," The way he said his name sent a tingle through his body. "Never would I hate you. I-" His voice wavered as he leaned in closer to him. "I love you, but I can't watch you do this to yourself, because it's killing me as well." Alec froze at the 3 words that threatened to push him over the edge. The one thing that would either save, or destroy him, by the person who meant more than anything to him. _

"_I can't lose you. "_

"_Then you need to stop. Promise me, that you'll stop getting in random fights, that you'll put your reckless ways to rest. That you'll stay safe." Jem's words floated into his ear, a welcome sound. Alec nodded his head, his eyes traveling to Jem's. It felt like his heart was beating out of his chest. His gaze traveled down his face, to his nose, and then his mouth. His wanting to press their lips together grew to an intense urge, as his look turned into a stare. By the time he mustered up the courage to try and lean in, Jem had already moved closer to him leaving their faces mere inches apart. His breathe was hot against his face. The smell of mint flooded his nose, and that's when he lost control. Without even realizing he moved, he had closed the gap between them, their lips colliding together. Alec took in a deep breath and let his hands travel to Jem's chest, gripping onto his shirt as he leaned in more, kissing him slowly. This wasn't a moment he wanted to rush. He had dreamed of this for a while now. This was something that he wanted to last, to savour. He wanted to draw this out, so he could remember it. Remember the taste of his lips, burnt sugar, remember the feeling his stomach gave him, like he was falling, remember the smell of soap that lingered on his skin. Of course that's when his brain decided to ruin the moment. If he didn't stop, this would never happen again. He'd lose Jem in his life all together. Could he even handle that? That would put him in a downward spiral, worse than he was already in. Jem was the only thing keeping him in reality, keeping him grounded. _

"_Promise me." Alec mumbled into his lips, before pulling away a bit. "Promise me, you'll still love me." He titled his head down when Jem wrapped his arms tightly around his shoulder. It was a protective embrace that gave him warmth and security. Jem always radiated heat. His skin was the temperature of someone with a fever, and he constantly craved to be close enough to catch the sickness. He was an illness, and it was terminal, but he was also the drug keeping him alive. He was saving, and killing him at the same time and that's what he imagined love was like. "I can get better, I can be better for you. I just need you to love me a bit longer." A small smile curled on Jem's lips as he tilted Alec's head up to look at him._

"_Love isn't something you lose. It stays with us always. I promise that I love you, always."_

* * *

Alec didn't have to turn around to know who was behind him. There was only one person who would care enough to see him, and it was obvious by the groaning the boy made as he fell through the doorway. Ignoring him Alec took a seat on the bed and sighed before he laid down. The whole point of coming in there was so to escape the crowd, and the noise. He felt like he was suffocating in bodies, and the stench of alcohol breath mixed with sweat was getting to him. He wasn't drunk enough to deal with that. It was only a light buzz going on. The feeling you get when you know you're getting drunk, but you're not there yet. Where your fingers and limbs start to tingle, and the world begins to get fuzzy, but you still have the ability to focus. It wasn't enough for him, parties were his blackout nights, where he went overboard but he had half his drink stolen which is what made me irritated and gave him the wanting to be alone. He wasn't alone though, and as much as he didn't want to admit it, he was glad Magnus had followed him. He was surprisingly well dressed for a normal house party, but he lit up under the lights. That was what had got his attention in the first place when he was amongst the midst of bodies on the couch, the boy who sparkled. There was a weird feeling in his chest at the sight. Something he hadn't felt in a long time. A feeling he tried to burry in his past. Leave it with the memories he spend everyday trying to avoid.

"Alexander." Magnus spoke finally.

"It's Alec." He responded keeping his eyes on the ceiling. He couldn't control how his insides were soaring just at his voice, but he could control how he responded on the outside. He needed to play this off.

"I like Alexander more. It suits you." Magnus wobbled over to the bed and took a seat, looking over his face. Alec bit his tongue and turned on his side. He could still feel his eyes on him.

"So why did you follow me? Did you see that I had no other offers for the night? I'm unavailable, try another party."

"Offers?" Magnus grabbed onto Alec's shoulder. "I'm not at an auction. I didn't bid on you, and I didn't come in here to sleep with you."

"Really? Most people don't follow me into bedrooms unless that's what they want." Alec turned over and sat up, shaking off his hand. The look on Magnus' face was of shock, like he didn't think that was what would be assumed.

"I just wanted to see you." Magnus leaned back. The more Alec looked at him, the drunker he looked. He was covered in a thin layer of sweat, and was staring blankly at the wall like he was no longer paying attention. So this is what he looked like himself most nights.

"Why would you want to do that?" Alec was now staring. Magnus was the kind of person people's eyes lingered on a little longer. He was always dressed up, always flashy, it was hard to keep your eyes off of him. It took a minute for him to come back to what was going on and register what Alec had said.

"You have my thoughts. I want to know you better. I want to be around you, all the time." Magnus faced him, his eyes half closed, his voice sort of slurring. He really was intoxicated, further gone than he was at least. He probably wouldn't even remember this conversation in the morning.

"Magnus, it's better if you didn't."

"Why are you with Cassie?" Magnus blurted out, making eye contact. That question caught him off guard.

"What? Because she's-" Magnus stopped him there.

"She's what? I can see you don't love her. Why are you with her? I've seen the way you look at-" He ended his sentence there, not able to get himself to finish. He caught himself, but it was too late. Alec knew who he was talking about.

"Don't." He voice was filled with rage. "I'm not gay. I have a girlfriend who loves me." He hissed.

"What about you? Say that you love her." Alec froze. He couldn't lie to him. He didn't love her. She was just someone to stop his fears from coming true.

"Love is overrated. An unnecessary feeling we trick ourselves into believing that we need to find happiness. Well there's no happiness in having people break you down. It's the worst feeling out there and not worth my time. Love is losing, and I'm tired of coming in last." Alec stood up. He was done with this. Magnus didn't seem to have a reply either. He just sat there was Alec walked towards the door. He didn't speak until he was holding the doorknob.

"Alexander," His voice was quite," Who broke your heart?"

"To have your heart broken you need to have been in love." Alec tilted his head down, trying to suppress the images of silver, the sound of violin playing in the back of his as head as goosebumps grew on his arm at the memory of being held and the heat radiating off their body, of fingers running through his hair, and a taste of burnt sugar, but it was immediately clouded over. It was overtaken by the sound of shouting, curses being thrown out, the sight of fists being thrown, and the panic and fear that followed. He shook his head to try and shake out those thoughts. "And I have never been that weak."

"It's not a weakness." Magnus stood up and staggered over to him, making him look at him. "Love is strength. It's what helps us keep going when we think we have nothing left. It's something we need to survive, and not that warped perception people seem to have of love now. I mean, true love. Not a feeling that people pretend to have after a week. The wanting to do anything for someone, even if it means putting yourself through hell, because it's worth seeing them smile. Their feelings are always above your own because their happiness is more important to you. They're the person you can't ever imagine being without." The more he went on, the closer he brought his face down towards Alecs. Soon he was pinned against the door with Magnus' face so close he could feel him breathing. Alec pushed himself as far back into the door as he could, turning his head so that Magnus was facing his cheek.

"Magnus." Alec's heart was racing. He wasn't sure what to do in this situation. He knew he should have pushed him away and left already, but he couldn't bring himself to do that.

"If I were to kiss you right now, all you would taste is your name. You're on the tip of my tongue, in the back of my mind. You're in everything that I do Alexander, and I can't get rid of this feeling that I was never anybody until you said my name." Alec's eyes darted around the room trying to stop himself from turning to look at him because he knew he wouldn't be able to avoid kissing him if they were facing each other. He had to fight it because Magnus deserved better, and he deserved worse. He was drunk, and Alec was a mess, they were never meant to be together. He would never allow himself that. His head was a filled with his own wants, and the words of his father, battling internally for a victory.

"I'm not broken. This isn't right. I don't want this." Alec whispered closing his eyes. Magnus opened his mouth to say something but someone started to hit the door.

"Alec! Are you done being anti-social? You've been in there awhile and-" A girl yelled from the other side. This might have been the first time he was actually happy to have Cassie constantly check up on him.

"Be right out!" He shouted, squirming away from Magnus, and grabbing the doorknob. "Sorry." He mumbled before pulling the door open and sneaking through the hole to Cassie. He didn't want to leave but he knew he had to, for both their sake.

* * *

"_No." Jem interrupted shaking his head. "You don't get to do that. You don't get to ask me to love you and leave me awhile later. That's not fair!" He raised his voice._

"_Not fair? You don't know what fair is. My dad was right this is all just in my head. They're made up feelings because you're my only friend. I just wanted to be loved, but I'm not gay." Alec yelled back at him._

"_Don't let him bully you Alec. You don't mean this, you're just saying this because of what he 're not broken. I love you. You love me"_

"_Does it even matter? I'm moving in a week. We're done. Let's end this now."_

"_You can't run away from this, from me, from us. Not when I'm stuck here on you. Not when you're the only person in my head. Am I just supposed to pretend that you don't matter anymore because I can't and I won't. I refuse. Just the thought of someone else holding you bothers me. Alec, please. I don't know who I am without you." Jem was gripping on the front of Alec's shirt as he pleaded with him._

"_I wish that meant more to me, but it doesn't. It's too late. I'm letting you live your own life without me, which should make you happy. I only ever cause trouble. We were never meant for each other. It was all a lie. Nothing's going to change." Alec was already beginning to regret his words but he had to force himself to keep going. He had to end this. "If you loved me, you'd let me leave." He needed to leave now, so he turned to take a step._

"_Love is the most selfish thing out there and I don't ever want to let you out of my hands." Jem grabbed him by the arm and pulled him back to him before kissing him. It was unlike any other kiss they shared. Not only was this filled with sadness, but it had desperation to it. The desperation to keep this going despite their situation and lose themselves in time, leaving the world behind. Eventually though, the kiss had to break and when it was the last words spoke were from Jem's lips as he clamped his hands around the cloth on Alec's sleeves. "If you're going to break my heart, promise me you'll keep the pieces. My heart has never belonged to anyone else, and I don't want it to. It is completely and utterly yours, as am I. Always" With a nod Alec pulled himself away and started to walk back home, careful not to look at Jem again. Maybe he could use those pieces to fill the cracks in his own heart. It was right then when he realized love was an emotion he could never allow himself to feel._


End file.
